Brian Is Irked

2007-09-20T13:09:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone. This totally isn't in the third person but it needed to be posted. I'm finally getting serious about Brian: The Animated Series. I'm fooling around in flash and have started writing some of the episodes and story archs. Here are the titles of the episodes in the shows first season:

-Knives!
-Lola's Baby Shower
-10 things I hate about Youtube
-Deception, Revenge, Confrontation
-Ruh-Roh
-Bobber & LC: The Animated Series
-Roadtrip to Kindrex
-Jesus Horse
-*finale* It's Like Rain

"No Vacancy" said the grimly lit red sign

2006-09-26T14:21:00.000-07:00

"Hmm... I should really update this blog"...

Brian had been through a lot in the past month. The moons had come and gone, as did Brian's sanity. Memories of his family trip were burned into his frontal lobe... or maybe one of the side lobes... Brian wasn't quite sure for he had yet to do his AP Psych homework.

For the ones who missed the past couple of episode, Brian had left on a family vacation with his family(natch) and had temporarily had left his blog to Kylee, who had also somehow gained ownership of Stoo(Brian's invisible friend), LC(Brian's loverly woman cat) and Bobber(Brian's boy-cat roommate who sometimes thought he were a dog or some sort of bear). The blog had gone to pots due to a shipping error at the Russian mail-order-bride equivalent to Wal-Mart. Brian had come back and was very disappointed. He wasn't disappointed with Kylee, Stoo, or his kitty cats. He was instead irked that he would have to find another over complicated scheme to make learning Russian easier.

"Стүпід стёр..." Brian russianed.

Brian had created a couple of blogs on his sister's laptop while on his vacation about how unreliable said sister's car was, the creepy roads/places/people they had to drive on/by/into, and how the adults condoned Laura's(Brian's 5 year old cousin) consumption of salty peanuts (and the inevitable hyperbolic retelling of how salty the peanuts were). Twas truly a week to remember. Did I say remember? I meant repress.

"Hey! You just broke the third person!"

I'm a freaking narrator, I shouldn't have to be confined to demeaning quotes. Besides, according to the Narrator Association of Many Everythings(NAMEs), I can have five non-third-person sentences without anyone reprimanding me per year.

"Oh... Sorry..."

Besides, you just broke the fourth wall.

"HAH! You just used your fifth!"

D'oh!

"That's six"

Brian just remembered that "D'oh" is an interjection, and thus not an actual sentence due to the lack of subject and predicate..

"Subject and predicate my rear! You just omnisciently dropped a hammer on my toe that says 'Shove this up your... OUCH! STOP THAT!"

Brian learned a vital lesson in not pissing off the narrator.

School had started and many a things had happened going on. Almost none of them had to do with Brian. Due to this fact, there is very little more to post.

"Sigh..."

2006-08-16T15:16:00.000-07:00

"No, Stoo, go away."

Stoo was utterly unfazed. "Kylee... I have chosen to go another way."

"You mean you're going to start watching the history channel?" Kylee was in shock, and was pretty sure Brian would never allow such a thing to happen.

"No. I'm going to open Brian's mystery package."

"Oh, great" Kylee grumbled. "I bet you anything he'll blame me for letting you do this, and then I'll be in trouble because I'm supposed to be looking after his blog, not letting invisible friends wreak havoc on it."

"What's the worst that could happen?" Stoo reasoned.

"Well, when you put it that way..." Kylee was awfully curious about what might be in this mystery package. And after all, wouldn't they be doing Brian a favor? "Open it! Open it!"

"Have you got a knife?"

"I've always got a knife. Here," offered Kylee, brandishing her personal butcher knife.

Stoo wielded the blade aloft, and brought it crashing down to the tape binding the irresistible box.

A troupe of dancing posies waltzed out and sang some nice songs. Kylee and Stoo were enchanted.

Suddenly the box exploded!
KKKHHHHRRRREEEEBOOOOOAAAAAMMMM!!!!!!!!!! Debris flew everywhere! Brian's blog shuddered with the impact, then sank to the ground. It burst into flames. The whole place had gone to pots!

When they were relatively certain nothing more was going to happen, Kylee and Stoo lifted their heads. "Now, the main thing to remember," Stoo reminded her, "is to pretend nothing ever happened. Act natural, and Brian won't notice a thing."

Kylee was skeptical. "Right. We'll sit right in the middle, the picture of innocence, and he'll never suspect. I mean... it doesn't look THAT different, does it?"

2006-08-14T11:48:00.000-07:00

"KyleeKyleeKylee! Guess what!" Kylee ducked to avoid an unidentified flying person tackling her.

Unfortunately, she didn't duck hard enough, and an "oof!" escaped her, along with most of her breath, as she was unceremoniously knocked to the floor by said unidentified flying person.

Kylee groaned as she identified the stranger. "I thought I'd seen the last of you yesterday..."

"No," Stoo informed her. "But I've got news that absolutely needs to go on Brian's blog!"

She perked up. Maybe this job wouldn't be so bad after all!

"I've received a mysterious package from a as-yet-unknown benefactor!"

Kylee instantly deflated. "So? What's that got to do with Brian and his meaningless blog?"

"Well, it was addressed to Brian," he pointed out.

"So why do you have it?" she asked suspiciously.

"Well... Brian wasn't here... "

"True. Have you opened it?"

"Not yet," Stoo hedged. "But, uh... just to be on the safe side... I probably shoud soon."

"But if it's addressed to Brian..."

"Brian's not home! This could be really really important! What if it's his mail-order bride come in early?" Stoo was frantic.

"Then I would really suggest you wait for him to get back."

"We'll see..."

A new boss in town...

2006-08-13T13:34:00.000-07:00

"Hey, you!"

Kylee looked up from trying to figure out what to write in Brian's blog. He'd left her in charge, saying only that "he would be away," and leaving no explicit instructions.

It was Stoo, Brian's invisible friend! "Er, hi," she offered cautiously. Brian had neglected to warn her about invisible characters randomly showing up to bug her.

"You must be Kylee."

"I am," she confirmed. "But Brian usually calls me Kyleekins, for reasons best known to himself."

Stoo grunted unhappily. "I was rather hoping Brian would let me take care of his blog while he was gone," he fumed. "I mean, just because I have no physical body doesn't mean I can't enter cyberspace through my own questionable means and twiddle with the intangibles! But no, he leaves YOU in charge! All YOU know is lyrics to unspeakably filthy songs!"

"I don't know any... wait, are you talking about the llama song?"

"You sick, sick woman," Stoo accused. "You ought to be locked up for using language like that."

Kylee frowned thoughtfully. "You know what? I'm going to kill Brian when he gets back. Kill him, and then kick his sorry whoop at chess."

"Why?" Stoo wanted to know. "You could just hire Olivio to kick his sorry whoop."

"No, that wouldn't work. She would just ignore it completely and hire somebody else to kick his sorry whoop. She is a lawyer, you know, with a whoop-kicking-lawyer jacket to prove it," she pointed out.

"By the way..."

"Wh--" Kylee started, just as she was attacked by a cat, who joyously began to chew on her long hairs.

"I was going to warn you, but I thought it would be more fun to watch." Stoo would have giggled here, but being the stoic non-giggling type, he refrained.

"That's it! Brian can do his own stupid blog! I refuse to put up with invisible friends, rabid cats, and this isn't even my blog!!!"

"Bobber's not rabid" Kylee shot both Stoo and Bobber a glare, included LC for good measure, and stalked away.

I'm leaving on a red 95 neon, don't know when I'll be back again

2006-08-12T13:04:00.000-07:00

"YOU'RE LEAVING?!"

"Just a week!"

Twas Saturday and Brian was leaving to go on vacation with his family. The Cabin was built to fit eight, but that didn't stop all fourteen family members from "Livin' La Vida Full House" for a week.

"A Full House refrense?" Brian said while breaking the fourth wall of this blog. "Wow, I really have lost my inspiration..."

"Speaking of which, I'm assuming that you are leaving me with your blog..." Stoo started.

"Wrong," Brian interjected. "No offense, but you're not that computer literate."

"Sigh, you break Myspace once..."

"But on the bright side, you're probably the only friend Tom deleted!"

"So who are you entrusting with this bundle of bloggin joy?"

"I'm thinking Kylee"

"I thought we were mad at her"

"She apologized. Well, Jestingly Yours Co. did. I didn't realize she sold out to the man..."

"There is probably a lesbian joke to be made here, but I'm not sure what it is."

There was then silence. Brian sighed, sent Kylee his username and password, and went into his bedroom to give a few words of wisdom to his cats.

"LC, take care of Bobber. And Bobber, don't chew on electrical chords."

Bobber purred and dozed off into a nap and LC followed Brian to the door.

"Well," said Brian, "Katie's here. It's time that I leave! See you in a week!"

"Bye!" said Stoo.

"Meow!" said LC.

And Brian left on a week he surely would never forget.

Jestingly Plagiarized

2006-06-11T15:23:00.000-07:00

"Oh, look! Kylee updated her live journal!"

School was out and the summer had begun. It was one o'clock in the afternoon and Brian had just gotten up and was on the computer looking at the internet. Stoo walked down the stairs. He had just gotten to Brian's house by hover car(invisible friends like driving ridiculous vehicles).

"Kylee?" Stoo inquired.

"Kylee is..." Brian started to say. "Well, Kylee... just... is..."

"Oh, was she the one that wanted to be in your blog?"

"Yup. Let's see what hilarious antics she's getting into these days... Oh, her brother is starting a band... GASP!"

"What is it?!"

Stoo loved excitement.

"'like four-year-olds nightmarishly rampaging through the kitchen of a gourmet German restaurant.'" Brian read.

"Wow! What a witty remark on experimental music!" Stoo though aloud.

"Yeah, MY witty remark on experimental music..."

It then dawned on Stoo. A couple of weeks earlier Brian was looking for music to put on his myspace. While searching, Brian had clicked on some experimental music which scared Bobber. Brian then made the comment about the said gourmet German Restaurant.

"We should start a blog war with her." Stoo stated.

"Isn't that how Tupac and Biggie died?" Brian worried.

"Oh... Why don't you quote something that she would say on your blog and see how she likes it?" said Stoo.

"I'm not sure about your blog, but I'm not sure how I can fit in 'Leah, give me back my vibrator!' in context..." Brian said.

"Hmm... Why don't we leave a nasty third person comment on her livejournal?"

"Ok"

***Have fun in Germany, Kylee!***

"Oh my god...

2006-05-28T19:35:00.001-07:00

... Are you Ok, honey?" Mary, Brian's mother, asked.
Mary was currently on her cell phone. Brian was sitting at the dinner table, trying to eat his chicken and regretting that he had just binged on Mike and Ikes a half hour before.

"Will it grow back?" Mary furthered to question. Brian gave her a typical WTF look. She then noticed her sons confusion and belted "her finger!"

"I wonder how she dialed her cell phone..." Brian pondered out loud.

[I bet it's all bloody!] Chirped Bobber as he popped into appearance from around the corner. Bobber was Brian's cat, and was otherwise known as: The Lovable Rascal.

[Ew] droned LC as she sauntered into the kitchen. LC was also Brian’s cat, and was otherwise known as: Hella Smarter Than Bobber. [No matter, she's probably faking]

[I wonder if it's serious] Bobber started to worry.

"She's probably faking" Said Brian

said LC.

LC was never meant to play second fiddle, or any musical instrument for that matter(due to the lack of thumb appendages). She always felt like a smart sophisticated woman trapped in a cats body and wished that someone could understand her.

"Oh, sorry LC" Brian apologized. While some more observant humanoids would find this inter-species communication a bit odd(after all, humans use quotation marks and animals use brackets, duh!), there were more important issues on hand. "I think I'm going to call Katie 'Stubby' from now on!"

"Brian be nice to stub- I mean, your sister!" hushed Mary. "I still don't know the severity of the situation, now shush!"

[Make sure to emphasize on the severe]mumbled LC as she left to get a drink from the faucet in the bathroom.

[CHASE!]Bobber yelped as he got the urge to attack his poor sister. His worryment was gone.

“Sigh, I’ll be there in a half hour. Bye...” Mary said over the two bickering feline siblings. “I knew she should have gotten a math degree...”

And that was the day that Katie got 1/16 of an inch of her finger cut off. For more info on that, and other more or less facinating stories, visit http://anywaykatie.blogspot.com

"Stupid Mafia"

2006-05-21T08:56:00.000-07:00

"Pop punk is contradictory, Psycobilly makes me fear the south even more than I do now, and I have no clue how to pronounce Hyphy" Brian grumbled to himself.

A tragedy had occurred. While trying to gather all the songs from the second season of Instant Star(so he could make bootleg copies for his mafia... long story), he accidentally added an Alexz Johnson song to his myspace. Instead of changing the song into one that he had already used, he decided it would be best if he would become more diverse and find new music to enjoy.

"MEOW!!!" Bobber, one of Brian's beloved cats, screeched as loud banging and saw noises blared out of Brian’s computer speaker.

"Call me a purist, but I prefer music that is actually musical" said Stoo as he walked down the stairs as he rolled his eyes.

"It's experimental music, it's supposed to sound like a four-year-old nightmarishly rampaging through a grormet German restaurant kitchen." Brian replied. "Hmm, maybe soul is more my style..."

"Didn't you sell yours?"

"Stupid DECA... But it's all good. I traded my happiness for a spare soul in the 8th grade just in case I would end up taking a marketing class."

"Erm..." stuttered Stoo. He often found himself in awe of Brian's planning skills. "Oh, look! Garbage has myspace!"

"I'm Only Happy When It Rains... I always liked the rain! It's like everyone taking a shower at the same time."

"Except without the awkward restraining orders."

"That settles it. My myspace background song will be I'm Only Happy When It Rains!"

From that day forth, Brian's myspace song is I’m Only Happy When It Rains by Garbage. But being Brian, he will probably change it to some theme from an 80s children’s cartoon show within a week.

Brian's Myspace

"Well, it's better than your "Brokeback Bobber" idea...

2006-04-09T18:57:00.000-07:00

"... after analyzing how much Bobber and King Kong have in common, I got the most ingenius idea!"

"Oh lord..."

Brian was on his couch talking into an invisable phone speaking to his invisable friend. This friend was named Stoo, and because most of Brian's best conversations happen in his head, Stoo had agreed to be a more integral part in Brian's third person experiment gone hellishly awry.

"It will be the best movie ever! Bobber meets King Kong!" Brian exclaimed.

"Lemme guess: Bobber Kong?" Stoo inquired.

"That would sound a little too much like Donkey Kong, and Bobber is nobodies love
monkey"

"King Bobber?"

"LC is the royalty of the family, and she would not be pleased if Bobber started
stealing her glory"

"Naturally..."

"The title will be: Really Big Bobber"

"Oh lord..." Stoo sighed

Stoo was a faithful companion of Brian's ever since their fight to save Brian Land from the dreaded magician Merlock. Stoo currently resided in a small country off the coast of Russia, where his cousin reigned as despotic empress.

"Do I dare ask of the plot?" Stoo poked.

"You probably shouldn't, but... 200 years into the future, Kate Botello wishes to get back on TV so she follows a map to Universal Studios, but she reads the map wrong and ends up at the ancient street of Clark Place, where she investigates the house of Bobber. In the future, Bobber is gigantic. Kate is so taken aback by this giant cat that she decides to make it her friend, and they spend the rest of the movie searching for old memoribillia of The Brave Little Toaster" explained Brian. "It's a movie that everyone will enjoy!"

"But that is nothing like King Kong!"

"Bobber is afraid of heights."

"Isn't he also afraid of talking toasters?"

"Only if he meets one on a sky scraper"

"I see. And I'm sure that the special effects will be..."

"The best ever!" Brian answered mid sentance. "Sock puppets and flash animation
galore!"

NOTE: Brian got sick of typing, so he's ending right here. Horray.

The Dolphin vs. The LC

2006-03-28T18:12:00.000-08:00

"Meow!" Bobber cheered as he tried to catch the hoppping dust bunnies. Bobber had a rocky relationship with the dust bunnies, and it was hard to figure out whether they were friends or if he was trying to eat them. LC had given up trying to figure Bobber out, thus she was snoozing atop Brian's blue chair.

"GUYS! GUYS!" Brian bursted as he yelled through the door. Bobber stopped abusing the poor inanimate dust bunnies and got a wild look in his eyes. LC started to leave, for any time Bobber got a wild look it usually meant that something was going to be pounced on, and nine times out of ten, that something was her.
"The military is in cohoots with the dophins!"

LC stopped dead in her tracks. If there was one animal she hated it was dolphins. Because of dolphin safety, her favorite brand of tuna went up by a substantial percent. Most would find this heartless, but considering that Anti-LC, lord of all dolphins alledgeadly sent wave after wave of suicidal emo dolphins just to piss her off, her anger was justified.

"We need to stop them! Fake scientific studies say that 1 out of 5 dolphins are pure evil! If they get a hold of nuclear submarine they could destroy liberty, justice, Kate Botello, or worse..."
"Meow?"
"That's right LC. And if they do kill the cast of Instant Star, what will we watch on friday nights?"
"Meow"
"You've got to be kidding me, LC! Degrassi? That's a new low"
"Me-ow"
"I don't care how many awards it's won, that doesn't stop it from being drama-ridiculus."
"Hmph" LC sauntered away, most likely to her secret lair to do away with Anti-LC and the rest of the emo dolphins.
"MROW!" said Bobber as he pounced on Brian's sock. Brian should have known by that look that something was going to be pounced. and one time out of ten that something was an inanimate object that belonged to Brian. In this case, it was Brian's foot(which normally was animate, but had fallen asleep).

Forward

2006-03-10T15:11:00.000-08:00

Brian sat down at a computer. He had just finished a stupid essay for english about a memory that has impacted life. Unfourtunatly for Brian, he has no life, there for, nothing can impact it. Not to mention that he has no interesting expirences that he could write on. He would have done the other assignment on writing down his physical descriptions, but his hair was very sad today and didn't want to be commented on.

"Sniffle..." said his hair.

"Uggg..." Said Brian

In the previous weeks, Brian realized that his second blog would need to be perfect. His old blog was a testament to the times("AHH!" Brian screamed as a ball point pen flew across the room. He knew much about ball point pens, and because of his blog being such a testament, everyone did) so his new blog would have to be spectacular. No more posts starting with "I'm bored".

"I'm Bored" is a very complex sentence. Not really, but time was runing out on Brian's english class and he needed to wrap this up quickly. Brian liked verbs(except for to mingle, but that is another story for another time), and how he ever loved pronouns("I" espicially"). But something needed to change.

"I've got it!" Said Brian in his inside voice. "I'll chnage the person!"
From then on, Brian Is Irked will be a third person blog.

You mean they were right there?!

2006-03-10T15:06:00.000-08:00

Brian had just written a beautiful story full of mystery, intrigue, and another word. As he was about to publish, he realized that blogger was going to post this on his Society Sucks blog. This blog was a testament of the times(actually, considering he only posted to it once, it is more of a testament to a time). But alas, it was a political blog, and this post had nothing to do with politics, unless you count buying D list celebrities political. Which he doesn't.

"UGG! THAT BITCH" Katie screeched. Aparently some poor waitress had the undesirable opportunity to answer one of Katie's question. "'No we do not take reservations on the weekend!' Such an attitude! Now I'm all frustrated!"

Brian went back to his typing. He had just narrowly averted publishing a post on his political blog that he never uses. He decided that it would be fun to go there for old times sake, but he would find would be shocking...

"EGADS!" Brian said. "All my old blog posts!"

Kate Botello+Bobber=HOLY CRAP!

2006-03-10T14:51:00.000-08:00

There he was. Sitting in his living room listening to rather inappropriate 90s music. He was on his sisters laptop. Brian's mother had recently purchased wifi so he was finally able to acheive his dream of surfing the web(the only surfind he was able to do... well, that is) and watch crap on tv at the same time. Unfourtuantly, nothing good was on tv. Seindfeld was probably on somewhere, and Brian almost felt compelled to make a joke about syndication, but he resisted. This was a new blog, and that was old blog humour.

Brian then started to think about what the difference between old blog humour and new blog humour was and realized that there was very little difference, except this blog was to be in all third person(sans the first post). So maybe dumb Seindfeld refrences are not to low brow for this blog...

*ahem*, his sister coughed. She was sitting near him peering at the wonders of him typing. Truely an artist she thought. *ahem* she coughed again as she read the former line. *hmmph* Brian humbled.

But there was news to talk about. Brian had been wikipedia-ing(truely a horror to be seen), when he stumbled upon Kate Botello's Home Page. She was a host of many a shows, and Brian longed for the days of watchting Tech TV in his basement on his futon as Milo, his now dead cat, hacked up a lung.]

"I'm bored" said Katie. Aparently reminissing of dead pets just wasn't her thing.
While giggling at silly picture of Kate Botello dressed up as some 1950s bimbo, he clicked on the contact link.

"EGADS!" Brian gasped, as he read what he was the bullet points. "I know what I must do... buy, Kate, Botello!!!'

It can do anything if I put my mind to it!

2005-12-01T12:28:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Brian Be Irked 2: Brian Is Irked!!!

This is going to be my new blog. I feel that some things should be retired, for if one does not expire, how can new things blossem? That and it's english and I'm supposed to be doing something, so what a better thing to do than create a brand new spanking blog.

I am of course going to have to do some remodeling to this website, and meditating to find the true me... ok, done meditating, but I still have to do do some remodeling. Just wanted to let my fan base to know that I will be back!

Un High Duke